The past few years I have been soul searching, trying to push and pull everything together in a manner I thought I wanted. It has been a time when I have attempted to open my mind and learn about life from other perspectives. For a bit I was upset and frustrated with life, but mostly at myself.
The dreams I let pass weighed heavy on my heart, the decisions I have made that turned into bad choices were not fading away, words that were never spoken haunted me, and the life that I wanted to live started to seem impossible.
I was beginning to feel stagnant. And frustrated. And disappointed. And most of all angry. At which point I simply let everything compile and I was crushed under the weight of it. I had a melt down, a fabulous let it go, cry-my-heart-out, change everything melt down. When that was done, I thought for a long time, then let I myself cry a bit more.
After the tears were gone I was able to gather my thoughts and see all the blessings in my life that had been hidden by the complications I thought I needed and wanted. Granted, my life was not at a point where I wanted to stay, but it was a place that I could continue to grow from now that the confusion had been cleared.
I understand that I have an uphill battle and most days I will be met head-on by challenges that would easily break most people. I can choose to let them weigh me back down to the breaking point or I can accept them and let them challenge me to be a stronger person.
It is these same challenges that many take for granted, myself included for a time. They are opportunities, rather freedoms, that many will never encounter. For these freedoms I am extremely grateful.
They are opportunities that challenge me to be a better person and allow me to follow my evolving dreams; but they are in no way free. They were fought for long ago and are still being upheld today by those who care enough about them to sacrifice everything so that others might one day have an opportunity for something more.